By Bob Hutchins and Karen Kelly
Our social lives have become powerfully anchored in the digital realm. Virtual connections are abundant and social media dominates our lives. Screen-based interactions are incredibly convenient, and more often than not, ease of access overrides the more effortful but far healthier choice of making plans to see our friends and family in person. Unfortunately, these low-effort engagements yield equally low value for our deep-seated need to connect [1].
Social nourishment is the satisfying sense of connection that comes from genuine, face-to-face interactions. It is the feeling of being truly seen, heard, and understood – a bond that nourishes the soul and fosters a sense of belonging. This deep connection goes beyond the shallow nature of many digital interactions. It offers a richness and depth that screens and algorithms cannot copy [2].
As human beings, we are inherently social creatures, hardwired to seek connection and belonging. Social interactions play a vital role in our overall well-being, impacting our mental, emotional, and even physical health. Meaningful connections give purpose, support, and validation, while a lack of them leads to loneliness, isolation, and depression [10].
Research has shown that strong social ties are linked to better mental health. A meta-analysis published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science even found that individuals with strong social relationships had a 50% increased likelihood of survival compared to those with poor social connections [9].
In today's fast-paced world, social media has become a ubiquitous part of our lives, offering instant gratification, ease of access, and constant availability. These platforms are alluring because they provide a bit of connection and distraction with little effort. These apps let us share our thoughts, experiences, and moments with a vast audience at the click of a button. They give us an immediate sense of connection and validation.
For most, however, that sense of connection is just an illusion. Online engagement lacks the depth and nourishment of in-person interactions. As Dr. Sherry Turkle, a professor of social studies of science and technology at MIT, notes, "We're surrounded by technology that promises to make our connections easier, to make our lives easier, but it doesn't always work out that way" [1].
Online conversations can be superficial, lacking the nuances and richness of face-to-face communication [3]. The lack of nonverbal cues, like facial expressions and body language, can lead to misunderstandings. It can also cause a lack of emotional attunement. Social media posts often go to a large audience, not to individuals. This creates a sense of detachment and impersonality. Also, the constant stream of content and notifications on social media can be addictive and wholly unfulfilling. As Tristan Harris, a former Google employee and co-founder of the Center for Humane Technology, explains, "These products are designed to keep us engaged, not to make us feel better". [12,15]
Despite the illusion of connection offered by social media, many users report feeling a sense of loneliness and dissatisfaction after prolonged use [13, 14]. This is because social media interactions, while providing a temporary fix, ultimately leave us craving deeper, more meaningful connections.
As Dr. Turkle observes, "We're lonely, but we're afraid of intimacy. And so we go online, and we become more lonely" [13].
Face-to-face communication allows for the exchange of subtle nonverbal cues. These include facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice. They convey a lot of information and enhance understanding. As Dr. Albert Mehrabian, a pioneer in the study of nonverbal communication, famously stated, "Only 7% of a message is derived from the words used, while 38% comes from the tone of voice and a staggering 55% from the speaker's body language and facial expressions" [5, 11].
When we interact in person, we are better able to attune to the emotional states of others, fostering a deeper sense of empathy and connection. This emotional attunement is helped by the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone linked to social bonding and trust. Because in-person interactions need our full attention, they encourage active listening and engagement. This strengthens the bond between individuals. As Dr. Turkle notes, "When we're together, we're really together. We're not distracted by our devices. We're not multitasking. We're focused on each other" [2].
Real, in-person interactions have huge rewards. But, they need effort and intention. In a world that often prioritizes convenience and instant gratification, making meaningful connections can seem daunting.
Making time for face-to-face interactions often requires conscious planning and scheduling, as opposed to the spontaneity of online interactions. To truly connect with others, we must be present and attentive, setting aside distractions and fully engaging in the moment. This can be challenging in a world where multitasking and divided attention are the norm [2].
Making real connections also requires a willingness to be open and vulnerable. We must share our true selves, without the filters and personas common on social media. This level of vulnerability can be scary. It exposes us to the risk of rejection or judgment.
It takes effort, but the joy from real, in-person interactions is unmatched. These interactions leave us feeling truly seen, heard, and understood. They foster a deep sense of connection and belonging. This cannot be replicated digitally. As Dr. Turkle eloquently states, "Face-to-face conversation is the most human – and humanizing – thing we do. It's where we learn to make eye contact, to become aware of other people's thoughts and feelings" [7].
Social media can be a good way to stay connected and informed, particularly for those limited by mobility or location. But, it should not and cannot replace real human connection. The key is to strike a balance. Use each form of communication intentionally and mindfully. As Dr. Turkle advises, "We need to develop a more calibrated way of using technology, one that leaves room for solitude, contemplation, and face-to-face conversation" [8].
To experience the true nourishment of meaningful connections, we must prioritize and invest in our face-to-face relationships. This may involve making efforts to schedule regular in-person meetups and to do shared activities. Or, it may involve simply being present and attentive during everyday interactions.
One company focused on creating deeper connections in real life is Purposely Social. It's a platform that encourages face-to-face meetings and provides tools for scheduling and building richer relationships. Purposely Social aims to foster a sense of community and belonging, reminding us of the importance of genuine human connection, and making it easy to do so.
By prioritizing and investing in genuine, in-person interactions, we cultivate stronger, more meaningful connections with others. These connections provide a sense of belonging, support, and validation, nourishing our emotional and psychological well-being. As Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University, explains, "Social connections are really good for us. They give us a sense of meaning and purpose in life, and they're a buffer against stress and depression" [10].
Numerous studies have shown that strong social connections and meaningful interactions are associated with improved mental health outcomes, including reduced rates of depression, anxiety, and loneliness [4,10].
In a world where digital connections are abundant, it is crucial to recognize the profound value and nourishment that genuine, in-person interactions provide. Social nourishment is not just a luxury; it is a fundamental human need that contributes to our overall well-being and fulfillment.
Meaningful interactions take effort. This may seem daunting in our fast lives. But, the rewards are immeasurable. By spending time and energy on building real connections, we feed our souls. We also foster a sense of belonging and purpose. As Dr. Holt-Lunstad advises, "It's important to make time for social connections, even if it's just a quick coffee with a friend or a phone call with a family member. These small interactions can have a big impact on our well-being" [10].
Prioritizing real, face-to-face interactions enriches our current lives. It also affects our mental health, personal growth, and overall well-being. By nurturing our social connections, we build a foundation for a more fulfilling and meaningful life. It goes beyond the fleeting joy of digital interactions. In a world that often prioritizes convenience and instant gratification, let's remember the profound value of social nourishment and the lasting impact of genuine, meaningful interactions.
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Purposely Social's mission is dedicated to fostering deeper connections in real life by removing the work and anxiety of social planning. Its personalized social fitness plans and schedule sync tools align with supporting individuals who need help managing busy schedules, or just have trouble getting out of the house.
References:
1. Turkle, S. (2011). Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other. Basic Books.
2. Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age. Penguin Press.
3. Stephens, G. J., Silbert, L. J., & Hasson, U. (2010). Speaker-listener neural coupling underlies successful communication. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 107(32), 14425-14430.
4. Turkle, S. (2017, September 23). Why These Friendly Robots Can't Be Good Friends to Our Kids. The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/why-these-friendly-robots-cant-be-good-friends-to-our-kids/2017/09/22/
5. Mehrabian, A. (1981). Silent Messages: Implicit Communication of Emotions and Attitudes. Wadsworth.
6. Kosfeld, M., Heinrichs, M., Zak, P. J., Fischbacher, U., & Fehr, E. (2005). Oxytocin increases trust in humans. Nature, 435(7042), 673-676.
7. Turkle, S. (2012, April 21). The Flight from Conversation. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/opinion/sunday/the-flight-from-conversation.html
8. Turkle, S. (2015, September 26). Stop Googling. Let's Talk. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/27/opinion/sunday/stop-googling-lets-talk.html
9. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review. PLoS medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
10. Holt-Lunstad, J. (2018). Why Social Relationships Are Important for Physical Health: A Systems Approach to Understanding and Modifying Risk and Protection. Annual Review of Psychology, 69, 437-458.
11. Mehrabian, A., & Ferris, S. R. (1967). Inference of attitudes from nonverbal communication in two channels. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 31(3), 248-252.
12. Harris, T. (2019, May 25). How Technology is Hijacking Your Mind — from a Magician and Google Design Ethicist [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C74amJRp730
13. Turkle, S. (2011, April 21). The Tethered Self: Technology Reinvents Intimacy and Solitude. Continuing Higher Education Review, 75, 28-31.
14. The Social Dilemma. (2020). [Film]. Directed by Jeff Orlowski. Netflix.
15. Harris, T. (2016, May 18). How Technology Hijacks People's Minds — from an Insider's Perspective. Thrive Global. https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/how-technology-hijacks-peoples-minds-from-a-insiders-perspective/
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