Behind Closed Doors: How Social Anxiety Shapes Our Lives & Relationships

By Bob Hutchins and Karen Kelly

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, approximately 15 million adults in the United States are diagnosed with social anxiety disorder every year, totaling about 7.1% of the population. (1)

It’s more than just shyness or occasional nerves; it's also a fear of social situations fueled by the nagging worry of being judged, scrutinized, or embarrassed. Social anxiety can make it incredibly difficult to initiate and nurture relationships. Understanding its causes and recognizing the signs of social anxiety is the first step toward finding support and overcoming these challenges, allowing individuals to build meaningful connections and lead a full life.

What is Social Anxiety?

Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is a mental health condition characterized by varying levels of fear in social settings. It affects millions of people worldwide, making everyday interactions feel like daunting challenges. While a degree of anxiety in social situations is normal, those with SAD experience it to a debilitating extent, leading to significant distress and impacting their daily lives.

The roots of SAD are multifaceted:

• Genetic Predisposition: Studies suggest some individuals are more genetically prone to develop anxiety disorders, including SAD.

• Environmental Factors: Traumatic social experiences, particularly in childhood, can contribute to heightened social anxiety. Overly critical or controlling parenting styles can also play a role.

• Psychological Influences: Individuals with SAD often have negative internal dialogues, focusing on perceived flaws and fears of judgment. They can overestimate the likelihood of negative outcomes in social situations.

• The Pandemic Connection: For some, the isolation and reduced social interaction during the COVID-19 pandemic may have exacerbated existing social anxiety or contributed to its development.
  

It's important to note that social anxiety is not a choice or a personality flaw. It's a real mental health condition deserving of understanding and treatment.

Symptoms of Social Anxiety

Social anxiety manifests in various physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms:

• Physical: Blushing, sweating, trembling, rapid heartbeat, nausea, and difficulty speaking.

• Emotional: Intense fear of embarrassment, feelings of self-consciousness, worry about others' opinions, and negative self-talk. 

• Behavioral: Avoidance of social gatherings, difficulty making eye contact, speaking softly, or withdrawing from conversations.

• Psychological: Depression and feeling ‘down’. 

In his book, "Together," former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy notes, "Loneliness overlaps with and is often inherited with anxiety disorders or depression." Recognizing these signs can be the first step towards getting help.

Impact of Social Anxiety on Relationships

Living with social anxiety can be a profound obstacle to building and sustaining relationships. Here's how it can have a ripple effect:

• Forming New Connections: The fear of interacting with strangers can create significant barriers to meeting new people and forming friendships or romantic partnerships. Individuals with SAD may avoid social gatherings altogether or struggle to make meaningful connections due to overwhelming anxiety.

• Maintaining Existing Bonds: Even in established relationships, SAD can cause strain. Avoiding social events, feeling uncomfortable in group settings, or having difficulty opening up emotionally can lead to misunderstandings and distance. This can contribute to feelings of isolation and loneliness for both the individual with SAD and those who care about them.

• Personal and Professional Consequences: SAD's impact extends beyond the social realm. Missed social events can mean missed opportunities—lost chances to expand networks and build both personal and professional support systems. Networking functions or public speaking engagements, essential in many careers, can be incredibly challenging for those with SAD, potentially hindering career advancement.

• A Note on Intimacy: Social anxiety can create additional hurdles in romantic relationships. Fear of judgment, difficulty with vulnerability, and anxiety surrounding physical intimacy can all pose challenges for individuals with SAD, impacting their ability to form and maintain deep romantic bonds.

It's essential to remember that the impact of social anxiety on relationships is significant and far-reaching. It affects the very fabric of our social well-being and can ultimately impact our overall quality of life.

Purposely Social recently surveyed a group of men and found that anxiety is the #2 reason people cancel plans. 

Perhaps even more stunning, 50% of people don't make plans when they want to because of anxiety.

Coping Strategies and Treatments

The good news is that social anxiety is a highly treatable condition. Timing is critical in order to get ahead of the anti-social cycle before individuals completely retreat from connecting with others. Several effective approaches include:

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns contributing to anxiety, while gradually developing coping skills through exposure to feared social scenarios. Studies show that CBT is extremely effective in treating social anxiety.

• Exposure Therapy: With the help of a therapist, individuals gradually confront their social fears in a safe and controlled environment, eventually building tolerance and reducing anxiety over time.

• Self-Help Measures: Mindfulness techniques, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep can all contribute to managing anxiety.

The Role of Support and Understanding

Loved ones of those with social anxiety can play a crucial role in their healing:

• Educate Yourself: Understanding social anxiety helps provide empathy and reduces the potential for misunderstandings.

• Be Patient and Supportive: Encourage but don't pressure your loved one to face their fears. Celebrate small victories and offer reassurance.

• Remember, It’s Not Personal: Social anxiety is not a choice. It can cause individuals to avoid situations or seem uninterested, even when they care deeply about their relationships.

Social anxiety, while pervasive, is not insurmountable. By recognizing the signs, seeking professional help, and practicing coping strategies, those with SAD can reclaim control over their social lives. Increased awareness and understanding of this condition within society will greatly enhance support for individuals facing its challenges. If you or someone you know struggles with social anxiety, remember that you are not alone – help and hope are available.

Resources:

Intervention for children: instride.health

Intervention for adults: betterhelp.com

Daily encouragement & community: purposelysocial.com

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Purposely Social's mission is dedicated to fostering deeper connections in real life by removing the anxiety of social planning. Its personalized social fitness plans align with supporting individuals with social anxiety, employing CBT techniques to build social confidence at your own pace.

References:

1. Anxiety and Depression Association of America. (2022, October 28). Anxiety Disorders - Facts and Statistics. https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics